Love and Boys II

Every once in a while I like to throw a curve ball in my writing to throw my readers (are you there?) a little off.

Every once in a while I touch on the topic of love and boys (see Love and Boys).

I was recently told that I was “ready” for a relationship—for someone.

And I think I am.

So here we are.

We all have our own brand—image that we portray. We all have different ways that people view us. How I see myself is not how you see me, and how I see you is not how you see you.

I portray a pretty professional image, one filled with lots of busy schedules, Instagram filters, LinkedIn updates and writing. One that says I’m independent, hard-working, on my own and in control.

And all of this is true. All of this is authentic.

But that’s not all there is.

I’m a spastic, umbrella loving weirdo, that is fine on her own, yes.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not open to something more. Someone more.

I make jokes about being single for life, often times state that I don’t want anything, and in general put up a pretty rigid exterior deterring any chance of emotional connection.

I know this.

But sometimes, the ones that talk about it the most, the ones that make it so known that they are just fine, are also the ones that might need it the most.

Of course I want to be loved by another. Of course I want to fall in love. Of course I want someone to shake their head and smile at me when I’ve had one too many drinks at the bar.

Of course I do.

We all do.

We’re all here for connection. We’re hard wired for it.

I have simply become immune to it’s absence in my life. It doesn’t phase me. I don’t need it.

Except for maybe, I kind of do.

Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not for a few years—but at some point, I do.

We all do.

So no I’m not looking, no I don’t need it right now, and no I don’t even really want it right this second.

But I think that some day, I will.

And some day, well it could be any day now.