Clarity

FullSizeRender (1)10 p.m. bed times, 5:30 a.m. alarms, excel sheets jumbled with budget numbers, goal settings, attempted workouts.

Post-grad life.

Okay, that made it sound sort of awful, which isn’t the case. Post-grad life has it’s pros, like say, no homework, weekends to yourself, a sense of independence, the world at your feet—you get it.

I stepped into the “real world” about two months ago, and I have used this time as a time of reflection (in between my 9-11 hour work days, but are we surprised?). A time to really think about what I want in my life. To set aside all of the goals that took over my life during school, and focus on the few that really matter for my overall happiness and life progression.

I’ve thought a lot about what truly, truly makes me happy.

And I’m so glad I did.

I am currently on day 20 of the “whole 30” a program that allows you to eat only non-processed foods which includes, by the way, no alcohol. I did this to gain a sense of clarity in my life and to allow myself to feel my best—to really understand what I was taking in.

I couldn’t have done this at a better time.

As I have reflected on what I want, I have also been in a mental state similar to my youth. One where too many glasses of wine is not a factor, where exercise is a regular, and where feeling good and healthy is a norm.

Amid this, I am also working every single day of the week, five days in my office job, two at Lake Tahoe under the stars and in a theatre setting similar to my days in the ballet.

I am living alone, on my own, for the first time ever.

The combination of all of these factors has really made this whole “discover myself” thing, a decently simple task, and I didn’t even realize it.

I am working toward my goals, I am reading and writing in my free time (because that’s what I want to do), I am working in the outdoors (much similar to my home in Montana and my rich history in ballet), I am completely unaffected by bad health choices or nights spent popping too much champagne.

The point I am making is this, as I am progressing toward my future goals and bettering myself for tomorrow, I am also getting back to my roots and remembering yesterday. But I didn’t even realize this, because when you’re this busy, all you can really think about is today.

As I sat there and really thought about what makes me happy, I realized that I was on my way to creating that exact life. I am combining my roots and my past loves, with my future dreams and goals. I am working for a better future, but remembering to enjoy the smell of pine trees and the sound of the lake crashing into the sand.

It’s been a truly amazing few weeks, a few weeks where I have pushed beyond my limits physically, mentally, and emotionally—yet somehow also a few weeks that I have had the most peace in my mind, the most calm and the most clarity I have had in years.

I know what I want, I appreciate where I am, I know where I am headed now and in the future. It may change, but my roots and my dreams will remain.

For me, clarity meant focusing on my health and my most important goals. For you, it could mean something entirely different.

Clarity, give yourself that, and there’s no telling what each day could do.

P.S. When this 30 days is over, I am opening a bottle of moscato, rest assured.