A Little No

I breathed out, and as my breath drifted away from me, with it went years of burden, anxiety, and uncertainty.

I am a runner (haha… I know, not in the literal sense… not yet anyway).

My mind runs a mile a minute. I get new ideas each day. Every week is a new goal, every month is a new plan.

I am constantly overwhelmed by everything I have the capability of doing in my lifetime. Often, I am overcome with questions. How is the world so dense with possibility? How do I choose my path?

How do I ensure that I live my passion each and every day?

I stress over this one. This is the one that causes my mind to run with possibility. And what I see now, is that the one question that was put in place by myself to ensure that I found my calling, was the exact question that was keeping me from seeing it.

How do I ensure that I live my passion each and every day?

I realized, that I already was.

As I sat in my dingy city-esque studio, I realized what makes me happy – what has always made me happy.

And I realized that that’s all that really matters.

Being happy.

It’s not about joining every single organization. It’s not about getting every single certification. It’s not about reading every single thing. It’s not about taking advantage of every single opportunity and possibility (but take advantage of many, please).

It’s not about being everything to everyone.

That doesn’t benefit me, and that certainly doesn’t benefit anyone else.

I realized today that it is time for me to step back. To not choose what makes me happy, but rather to allow what actually makes me happy come to light. To quit searching, and just enjoy the view.

“Life is too short,” and at 23 years old, I think I am finally realizing that it doesn’t matter what I “should” do. It matters what I want to do, what makes me happy, what actually is me.

It’s not a front, it’s not a set path, it doesn’t look good on paper – it just is.

As I finally allow my true dreams and desires take over, I feel an odd sense of relief.

Odd why? Because my dreams may not be the most set-in-stone path. They may not lead me down my picture perfect path to success that I have been trotting down the past few years. There is a chance for failure.

And I don’t take chances, I’m much too prepared for that. As optimistic of a person as I am, I always see what could go wrong, and I always figure out how to ensure that it doesn’t.

But I don’t want to spend my life anticipating the failure, I want to spend it anticipating the success.

Where there is a chance for failure, there is also a chance for success. Where there is a risk to be honest with yourself, there is also a risk of being the happiest you have ever been.

Happy. That’s all I want. That’s all any of us want.

That’s what we all deserve.

Changing your hopes and dreams doesn’t take away their validity, it simply shows that you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you love. It shows that you realize the potential life holds—it shows that it just took you a little longer to see what has been with you all along.

So, I’m done hiding from it. I’m done being scared of it.

For most of my life, I have heard a lot of “yes.” I think it’s time I allowed myself the possibility of a little “no.”

(Writing, what I love to do is writing).