Contrary to my social media activity and excessive blog post sharing, I am actually a decently closed off person.
I hardly ever cry even though I am a pretty sensitive person (and if you see me start to tear up I’ll talk about how dumb I am for a solid five minutes and then proceed to apologize for even longer), I have a hard time opening up to certain people (that’s all I’m saying about that one), and I’m sometimes a really awkward cuddler and/or hugger (please, just let me console you with my words).
I’ve been writing on my own, little thoughts like these, for a few years now.
Pressing the “post” button on Facebook for the first time a few weeks ago was anything but easy.
It’s scary to share your thoughts about your life and experiences for all of your friends and acquaintances to see.
It’s scary to open up, and as a self-conscious “worrywart,” I’m pretty sure it’s even scarier.
I write these blogs because, well, I love it, but also because I want to share my experiences with you, and if you read them (thanks by the way), I want to help you with yours.
No, I don’t disclose everything that is going on in my life and in my head. No, I never will. That’s what different relationships are for- for us to find people that we can open up to and share things with that we wouldn’t share with anyone else. That includes your relationship with yourself.
However, yes, I will share relevant thoughts. Yes, I will share things that I think others might relate to. Yes, I will share things that inspire me (sorry about your newsfeed, I’m pretty easily inspired if you hadn’t noticed).
When I write, I’m not worried about the clock and I’m not thinking about what else I need to do, things that are otherwise a constant (blog post to come once I figure that one out).
I’m okay with wasting time doing it, because it doesn’t feel like wasted time at all. Writing is what I want to do right now and it is what I will want to do when I wake up (after my first cup of coffee of course). Writing has helped me with some of my internal conflicts. Writing continues to help me to see the world a little bit clearer every day.
By reflecting on what has happened, I am able to wake up each day with a better understanding of how I want to live and who I want to be.
Do I know it all? Absolutely not. Will I sometimes write different musings and then look back with disagreement? Probably. Will everyone that reads these be touched in someway? Ha, no. But for now, this is what makes me happy, and it is my hope that it not only benefits me, but a few others as well.
Writing is my way of figuring out what is going on in my crazy head, but it is also my way of helping others, inspiring others, relating to others and touching others (I hope).
And if at times “others” refers to just one person, that’s okay, because that one person might be the one that needs it the most (including myself).